Speechless. I’m speechless. On January 6, I got a phone call right before work. It was my fiance, who was in the emergency room because he lost his control of his hand and leg. We thought he had a stroke, so I brought him in to get and MRI and testing done. I had to leave so I could work in the morning. Lets just say, I didn’t go to work Friday morning. Instead I was sending prayers back to God all over again . My cancer survivor.. had been diagnosed with cancer… all over again. This time it is in his brain instead of his lungs. I don’t know what to do, what to think, what to say. I am speechless.
I hope everybody is having a great holiday season and is staying safe out there in this cold ! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !
What’s something you hear about a lot ?
” Short people problems “
” Thin people problems “
” Shopaholic problems “
Here’s what I find to be Common “White Girl Problems” , for many of us ( yes including myself )
#1 PiNtEReSt oVeRbOaRd
Here’s a big one , especially for me .
If there is any where I refer to for absolutely anything in this world at any given time or place , It’s Pinterest.
My kitchen looks like I was the founder of mason jars and label guns. From Coffee to Cocoa & Toothpicks to Chip Clips .
My bathroom with the bedroom curtains being used as a shower curtain on a separate shower rod then the shower liner . . for the elegant look. . you know , in a bathroom .
My Bedroom with the typical Christmas mini lights around the mirror
Last but not least my living room with the mason jar on the entertainment center filled with little pieces of paper folded in half each one with 1 out of 50 reasons why I love Jerome. Labeled ” 50 Reasons Why I Love You . ” ( yes made with my convenient labeler )
#2 Do You Take Debit ?
The serious SERIOUS desire to eat an entire box of Girl Scout Cookies the second you step outside your car at Wal-Mart and there’s a colorful beautifully stacked hundred count of cookie boxes made from yours truly , Girl Scouts. ” Hi do you take debit card ” ? . ” No . Sorry . “
#3 Wheres My BEAR ?!!!
Here’s one that relates to the problems I have been running away from for months now . .
I have a weird desire for my fiance to buy me a huge stuffed animal . I tell him its so I can hold it and lay with it when he isn’t home but really it’s because i’m strangely excited about the thought of having a stuffed animal the same exact size as me . He kepts taking me as a joke and telling me i’m a weirdo and calling me crazy.
” Baby , will you buy me the huge bear? They’re on sale right now! “
” You know what else is on sale ? THIS D !! “
And the joking begins and desire for the bear is gone again , farewell until next time.
#4 Elsa or Innocent ?
Alright so just recently ( about two or three weeks ago ) I finally got my hair an acceptable color blonde . Because of the fact that I already have blue eyes , I Now look like the ultimate white girl , just slap on my north face and ugg boots and I’m your lady . The problem with this is when you braid your hair , boom ! you are now Elsa from Frozen and will be reminded all day by every child that sees you .
#5 ” Wait , its another sale ! “
I do this , a lot . My poor fiance will be trying to talk to me or get me to do something or even just trying for my attention and after five seconds of watching TV together I’m already on a website adding things to my cart .
” But babe the sale ends in 2 hours and its 10% off shipping ! “
At that moment of word release , I realized I have a serious addiction to online shopping. Whether it costs 2$ or 50$ if I’m online the shopping experience is way more dangerous and harmful to my wallet and / or bank account .
The day has come . On November 18th 2016 , we found out the love of my life is now cancer free. It’s been a long four months but I knew he could do it. I’ve never known somebody to be so strong . My super man he will always be . #Mycancersurvivor
It’s almost over .. finally .
As I sit here with the love of my life on the last day of his visit for his FINAL chemotherapy appointment I can only thank GOD repeatedly , nonstop , with tears in my eyes wondering why he decided to pull through for us . Not many people are this lucky . A lot of people have to fight for years , some fight with no hope for recovery .
My baby did it though . He kicked cancers ass and with very VERY little cancer cells left my heart grows stronger for god .
As we sit here waiting to be discharged I think back at our journey as it’s been a long 3 & 1/2 months .
I remember it so clearly , waking up on his birthday morning and bringing him to he hospital because he had swollen feet .
NEVER did I think that day that I would have lost him TWICE . but both times god gave him back , he knew I wasn’t done with him .. he knew it wasn’t fair to take him at this age and he knew my baby wasn’t ready to go willingly .
I remember the day he woke up and proposed to me with a tube down his throat . I cried like a baby . I never expected any of what happened that week to happen and yeah it’s been a very rough patch for all of us , but I’m so happy to be where we are now .
I can’t thank god enough for being our savior . I cant wait to start this road to recovery for now all that’s left to do is go up from here .
” My rhymes are so sick , I caught cancer ”
– Jerome Cruz
Mid Chemotherapy , round #4
I hate when he’s so far away from me . I hate sleeping alone . I hate eating dinner by myself and getting high by myself . Life’s no fun without him . I want him to come home already , I’m usually the strong one , the positive one , the patient one ; right now I’m none of the above . Every time we’re apart I’m reminded how much I truly do love him because I miss him so fucking much and these nights are too long and too quiet and these days drag by . I just can’t wait to put this behind us .
CANCER SUCKS !