Personal

A letter To My Queen . .

Dear Blake,

Some people walk in and out of our lives without leaving a trace . Others leave a string of footprints woven within our hearts, letting us know they are with us everywhere we go and every step we take.

You, my friend. . have been stomping on my heart everyday for the past two months. You were there when I needed somebody the most. It wasn’t an easy day for me, but because of you I didn’t shed any tears, didn’t feel any pain, and I didn’t feel an ounce of stress. You came to me when I needed you. You were drawn to me and you didn’t give up no matter how hard I pushed everybody away during my hard times. Ever since this day, you’ve had me under this protective wing and you haven’t let go of me since.

During these past two months, my love for you grew stronger then I’d ever anticipated. You aren’t just a friend, you’re my soul sister. You give me hope, and you cheer me on even when everybody else is gone now. You’re my biggest supporter, my number one fan.

Thank you for being a true friend. Thank you for never giving up on me even on the hardest days. You push me to be a better woman for myself and for my future. I appreciate you more then I can put into words.

When I see you, whether its been a day or a week, my heart flutters with smiles. There’s something about you that makes me feel so full inside. It’s not just your pretty face or your beautiful voice, its who you are as a person. It’s the way you get excited to tell me things or the way you smile and glow when we finish each others sentences. Its the happiness in your eyes when we are mid-song singing our heart out to Lights Down Low and we both realize we’re not that different after all. When you hurt, I deteriorate . When you’re happy, i’m ecstatic. There is nothing more special then seeing the smile. . that god damn amazing grin when we click. It’s like our souls are snuggling in that moment. I could snuggle your soul forever.

You’re the bravest woman I have ever met. You don’t let anybody tear down what you have built for yourself and you know your own strength. I envy you. I adore the living shit out of you. It’s the way you sing to me . . no better yet it’s your rap skills that get me going. I’ve never wanted to share everything I do or everything that happens to me with somebody like I do with you, because we are one. When something good happens for me you are right there feeling the happiness for me , sharing my moment with me. When something hurts me , I know you are hurting too.

My love for you goes deeper then two months. Time meant nothing to me until I met you. I don’t want to miss a single chance to talk to you , or hear your voice or see your face. You’re not just my best friend, or my soul sister. You’re a better part of me. You bring out such an amazing side of me and I don’t know if I ever would’ve found it if our paths never crossed.

You’ve been my rock and I can’t believe it’s been such a short period of time. I can’t wait until the day i’m sitting in front of you, in your big white dress, helping you get ready to marry the man of your dreams. I can’t wait to meet the blessing you will one day bring into this world and raise to be as perfect as you. I can’t wait to be by your side through everything you need me to be, because I know you’ll be right by mine. As your bestfriend, I solemnly swear to never give up on you. I pinky promise I will never leave and that we will forever be soul sisters. I am going to support every decision you make in life whether I agree with it or not, because I know deep in your wonderful mind, you have your reasoning for doing the things you do.

I promise Morgan Blake Workman , I will never, ever walk out of your life.

 

Forever until the end .

 

Love, Your lil Nug .

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Jeromes Journey · Personal

My angelย 

Words.. it feels like I have nothing to say , but so much to say . 

I can’t even begin to explain the amount of pain my heart is in and the amount of tears I’ve cried in the past four days . 

He’s gone .. Jeromes journey has come to an unfortunate end . He will always be my man of steel , my super man .. but now he’s flying above me looking down . My baby .. so strong and to think he never quit fighting because of the strength we gave him . 

It’s so hard to fathom, I can’t do it . I can’t get a grip and I can’t seem to accept it . I think they call this denial . I’ve been through what feels like every stage of grief in the first day alone and now it’s day four and I finally come to write . 

I can’t believe it , just one week ago you and I were planning our wedding together .. and here I am now , planning your services . I have so many emotions running through my mind and my soul . 

My soul misses you , I cant wait to see you again , and let our souls be together forever like they were meant to be . You will always be my one and only true love . Nobody will ever have the power to take your place and frankly even if they tried I wouldn’t let them . I’m not sure I can even let anybody in anymore . I’m not sure I want to start over . How do I begin a new chapter in life without my favorite character ? This is the hardest thing I have ever had to do . Saying goodbye to you now , and missing you for the rest of my life .. it just isn’t fair . I will never stop loving you , and when we finally meet again I hope you know my love will just grow stronger . 

You  have made me into the woman I am today . You took away all my insecurities, nobody will ever make me feel bad about myself again because you’ll be right on my shoulder whispering sweet nothings and pillow talk to block them out from hurting my heart. You will always be my protector and my guardian angel . You’ve always been the man of my dreams and though once before you’ve given me a new reason to live , I have now found another . I want to live to make you proud , I want to be strong for you and I want to do right by you as I know you’ll never take your eyes off me . I’ll be the best dang character in your new chapter that you ever could’ve asked for ( I’ll even write the book for you too ) all you have to do is be worry free , pain free , and love endlessly and I will forever be grateful for your presence. 

I’ve never lost somebody I loved before . I’ve never gone through the pain I’ve seen others in many times before . I’ve been sad and cried a day or so for my loved ones loss but never for my own . 

You , my young hero , are 23 . I can’t believe you have actually fulfilled whatever it was you were set on this earth for in 23 years . I can’t believe you are always accomplishing things quick , and early . You are always making people proud and living up to all expectations, even gods . 

My loss , is gods gain . I trust god , I know he will forever keep you happy the way you needed me to keep a smile on your face . 

I’ve yet to say it , because I’m still in denial .. but for now I’ll say this , 

 I hope you’re taking the most comfiest nap in the clouds and I’ll be sure to be nagging in your ear sooner than you can blink twice . Just promise me you won’t get mad when I wake you up , because I will do it with love and I will do it in only the way you and I will understand what’s happening . I will never stop loving you , please don’t ever stop loving me , for I need you to love me so I can carry a fuller heart even with the emptiness I feel inside . 

I love you always my king and my king you will always be loved . 

Until we meet again 

07|28|93 – 06|16|17 

Sweet dreams my handsome husband โค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿฝโ˜๏ธ

Jeromes Journey · Personal

It’s not easy, but I love you .

I Can’t sit here and pretend like nothing is the matter. I can’t sit here and mask my feelings when my mind is in a million places.

It’s not easy when the man that you love to death, would actually rather be dead.

It’s not easy dealing with his depression on top of your own.

& It’s definitely not easy to stay positive when everything in your life at the moment, is in fact negative.

Everyday is a challenge , the same challenge at that. It’s hearing him say ” I hate my life.” or “I just wish I could die and then you wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore.”

In no way is death an answer. Having a suicidal fiance can absolutely hurt your heart. Especially when all you want to do is make him better but you don’t have a magic wand.

One thing that really kills me is when he tells me ” You can leave if you want you don’t have to deal with this. You’re too good for me.” Or the infamous “I don’t want to hold you back from your life.” I don’t know how to make him understand that I truly love him and I am willing to be by his side to fight this until the very end. I don’t want any other life than one with him.

It’s not easy trying to fill someones head with positive thoughts and hope and looking them in the face and them replying “I just hate my life and I want to be healthy again.” It’s like he’s just not hearing it. He is shutting it right out. All of it, ย any of it.

I love him so much, and I don’t have the answers. I don’t have the medicine. I want it all to go away, for his sake. I can handle it. But Jerome, His positive energy and mindset is deteriorating everyday that he wakes up.

 

Does anybody have a cure ?

Anyone ?

Free Writing · Jeromes Journey · Personal

I said yes ๐Ÿ’•

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Processed with VSCO with 5 preset

I can’t believe I’m engaged to the love of my life …

How many people get to say that they found the one ? How many people get to say that they are lucky enough to spend the rest of their life with that one special person ?

I’ve never felt so lucky in my entire life .

I love my fiancรฉ more then I’ve ever loved anything in the world , and I can’t wait to grow and build a family with him .

Free Writing · Jeromes Journey · Misc. Thoughts · Personal

Too short.

tumblr_moxav03iva1r0ii93o1_500Life is too short to take things for granted. Life is too short to get mad at the little things. Life is too short in general.

Today my entire perspective changed as I almost lost someone I love so deeply.

Life is a precious thing. It can be taken from anybody at any time . Even the ones you love.

Stop stressing little problems and appreciate the air you breathe while you’re breathing it.

Free Writing · Personal

Well I didย 

I wish I could say I told you so. I wish I could tell them they were wrong.

To the people who told me I was never gonna be happy again, To the people who told me true happiness didn’t exist and it was a bullshit fairy tale ..

I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy. I finally found somebody I can see myself spending my life with. I know im young and there’s gonna be people who tell me I still have a whole life ahead of me, but I can honestly say I wanna spend that ” whole life” I have waiting for me, with somebody who truly makes me happy. That somebody is my boyfriend. ย I didn’t know it was possible to feel way that I do for him, about anybody . I wouldn’t trade him for the world. I wouldn’t trade my feelings about him for anything on this earth.

Free Writing · Misc. Thoughts · Personal

Hit where it hurts.

I can’t pretend like I know where to start when it comes to talking about this so I’m just going to jump right into it.

If there is one thing I had more then anything it’s the heroine and opioid epidemic going around.

Too many of the people that I love strongly are being effected by it.

Just last year I lost my cousin due to an overdose.

My family has been ripped to shreds and I don’t even see my uncles anymore because of it. All three of my uncles are addicts. I get to see them maybe once every six months, if they aren’t back in jail that is. The biggest reason my biological father didn’t raise me or wasn’t in my life as I was growing up is because of the fact that he’s a hard addict. Every body in my family has been in jail under a drug case. Everybody except me and my sisters.

It really hurts me to know that my loved ones have fallen into this trap. I know how hard it is to stop doing something when you’ve been addicted to doing it for so long. I’ve seen too many people die including my own family members, because of this epidemic.

Some things you grow to learn when dealing with family and friends that are addicts is that you have to be understanding. They didn’t choose to be an addict, nobody does. You become addicted to the way something helps you and the way you feel on it, but you never get into it with the intention of being addicted to it. To need and want it when you wake up and to not be able to get by without it because you won’t feel okay after going without your usual dose of whatever your substance of choice is.

Another thing I learned is not to judge. Because of the simple fact that one does not make the choice to become addicted, you can’t judge them for it happening to them.

Addicts need love and compassion. They need to know you don’t hate them regardless of how disgusted you might be with their addictions.

I can’t stand the thought of losing another family member or someone else that I love and if I ever have to go through that again I don’t think I’ll ever look at drugs the same way.

Yes, I smoke marijuana. No I will not become a hypocrite to those who do. This is a post about the HEROIN & OPIOID epidemic.

R.i.p. Danielle LeBlanc. You are missed, we love you. โค๏ธ

November 1985 – April 2015