My Weight Gain Journey

It’s all about staying motivated.

So This is my first blog going into a new category. This is where I will be blogging about my Weight Gaining Journey, because believe it or not there is some of us out here that are different from the rest. Not everything is about weight loss and that’s okay ! Even if people tell you that you’re fine the way you are because you’re skinny, It may not mean you are actually fit, or healthy. You could just have a fast metabolism, and THAT’S OKAY! But I hope if anybody else has trouble gaining weight, this category can give some motivation not to give up in the process!

 

It took a while.

A little bit too long actually. I Cant put a time on it, but for over five years now I have been trying  to gain weight. I was sick of being called ” Skinny Minnie” and I was so tired of people telling me to “Put some weight on those bones.” It wasn’t easy. . Trying to gain weight when you think you’re eating enough but you aren’t because your stomach has shrunk do to the fact that you are actually eating too little. I’d get full to quick, and never have an appetite.

There was a point in my life where I was Low 90’s. And by that I mean, during high school I was actually 90 Lbs. Was I happy about it? Absolutely not. Did I try to do something about it? Of course I did! But did it work? Not so much.

There will always be those people, the ones who say ” You’re so skinny why do you need to step on a scale”? Or the typical “You’re skinny you don’t need to go to the gym.” Well first of all, don;t listen to those people. Do what YOU need and want to do to reach your goals. If you’re not happy with the way that you look regardless of other peoples opinions, good or bad. Be in control of your own body and do it without taking other peoples comments and opinions to heart. I promise you if you let the words of the envious control you, you will not get where you want to be as happily and easily as you’d like to.

Whether you believe it or not, we all take other peoples opinions of ourselves into deep consideration. Even if we don’t let it affect us immediately when it is said, or even if we do. Words can hurt, especially if you are already self conscious about something. Now the person saying the words may not even know you at all or nearly enough as they should or need to, to be judging you or stating facts about your weight and/or goals.

SO with that being said.. Yes I let the words eat me alive. BUT, I also let them build me stronger. All of those people who made weight comments to me, are now telling me on the daily that I look good, and I look healthy. You know why that is? Because I have reached my goal. The one I ( not anybody else ) set for myself. This is the first of many goals I have reached and plan to work hard for. In just five months, I managed to gain 16Lbs. That means in June I weighed in at 94Lbs. I turned my life around, got rid of the stress as much as I possibly could, Started drinking protein shakes, exercising at home! And EATING A LOT. Now that its October, I weigh in at 110Lbs. This is the first time in my life that I have weighed this much. To most people, i’m still “skinny.” Too some i’m still too small to be at a gym or worrying about my weight in general. But its those people who push me to keep going. My next goal is going to be 125. BUT this time I’ll switch it up. Now that I have packed on my extra bit of weigh.. in my not so healthy diet. I am going to start eating healthy, while maintaining a calorie intake of 2000+ A day, and also working out more. When I reach 125 I prefer to be more muscular and physically fit. I believe if I can cut the pizza bites out, and the excessive snacks out, and replace them for healthy dinners and healthy on the go snacks and shakes, that I can reach my goal.

Don’t let anybody take you away from what you are set on. If you want something work for it. If its going to make you happy, don’t give up, And if somebody is body shaming you in any way, shape or form .. take it and twist it to your advantage. Use that shit for ammo and fire up your guns. Literally . Work on those guns.

SO to sum up some of the things I focused on while trying to gain weight these past few months are as followed :

  • ENSURE protein shakes. Of any sort, these things are a blessing in disguise. Whether you are drinking them to completely replace a meal that you are going to miss the opportunity to eat OR if you are adding them to your meal. These drinks alone take no time to finish and can hold between 200-400 Calories, Depending whether or not you get the ” PLUS” or regular ones.
  • EATING  !!!! I am almost always eating ! Whether I am picking up a few extra snacks throughout the day or eating two breakfasts and two dinners, I intake a lot of calories. It may also be good to count your calorie intake for a week just to get an idea of how much you are getting on a normal basis and see where you can make adjustments.
  • At home workouts! Believe it or not the squats in the shower, They DO make a difference. Whenever you are using the bathroom or find yourself chilling in an elevator , stop and do 30 squats, or jumping jacks or even push-ups ! Honestly whichever helps you out to improve on your area of focus! If you have the time, put your phone down for a minute and workout. It adds up. See a staircase? Have time in between class? Why not run it a few times up and down just to get that extra leg definition.

Now start setting those goals and start working for them!

Misc. Thoughts

Sometimes

Sometimes you dont exactly know whats going on and thats okay .

its okay to just follow your heart,

even if its leading you to something you

dont forget to follow your heart

it can lead you to

follow the things you wouldnt normally do

without thinking

but honestly

just do what makes you happy

your supposed to be happy

b4 anybody else

yours is more important

so do it

 

Free Writing

What would the perfect life for you be like?

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be?

Would it be a change in your appearance? A change in your responsibilities?

Let’s face it, nobody is completely happy with everything in their life. Some people hate the person they married but are too scared of divorce to do anything about it, others hate their jobs but need the money to keep a roof over their heads.

Just imagine if you had the power to change something in your life, whether it be a relationship or bond you have with somebody, or something more life changing like traveling across the country and starting a new life away from “home.”

What’s stopping you? From making the change. . Is it money? Is it fear? Is it the opinion of others? Sometimes it’s important to remember that you are one man for yourself. You have to wake up in your own body every day and you have to continue on your way to your miserable job or to pretend to be happy with somebody you aren’t. So why are you waiting to do something about it? Don’t wait. Start now. Make the change you have been waiting for. If the rock in your way is money, start small. Pick up another job. Sell some of your stuff. Start focusing on making extra cash in your free time or using less of your “busy” time on other things and devoting more time towards your goals. If it’s not money and it’s the relationship you are in, then stop fearing what is going to happen if you say something and take control. Tell them how you feel, what’s on your mind and how you wish to see a change. If it doesnt work out and you end up without eachother then it wasn’t meant to be and God has better plans for you. No feeling is forever, So whether you are upset about the situation because you now feel alone, just know the pain is temporary and you will be happy again as long as you let yourself. If you are happy with the situation then great! Just don’t stop working for your goals because now that you have gotten through one obstacle, there will be more, and they will not stop coming you just need to face them in the order they arrive.

Just because you don’t think your situation is changeable, doesn’t mean it isn’t. You can change anything in your life because the best part is that its yours. Meaning you have the control and you have the power to feel any type of way you would like and be anywhere you want to be. If you choose to be happy, then be happy! Screw those who don’t like seeing you shine and shine harder on them!

Be the change you want to see. Make the move and be HAPPY with your life, because life is too short to not be happy.

Personal

A letter To My Queen . .

Dear Blake,

Some people walk in and out of our lives without leaving a trace . Others leave a string of footprints woven within our hearts, letting us know they are with us everywhere we go and every step we take.

You, my friend. . have been stomping on my heart everyday for the past two months. You were there when I needed somebody the most. It wasn’t an easy day for me, but because of you I didn’t shed any tears, didn’t feel any pain, and I didn’t feel an ounce of stress. You came to me when I needed you. You were drawn to me and you didn’t give up no matter how hard I pushed everybody away during my hard times. Ever since this day, you’ve had me under this protective wing and you haven’t let go of me since.

During these past two months, my love for you grew stronger then I’d ever anticipated. You aren’t just a friend, you’re my soul sister. You give me hope, and you cheer me on even when everybody else is gone now. You’re my biggest supporter, my number one fan.

Thank you for being a true friend. Thank you for never giving up on me even on the hardest days. You push me to be a better woman for myself and for my future. I appreciate you more then I can put into words.

When I see you, whether its been a day or a week, my heart flutters with smiles. There’s something about you that makes me feel so full inside. It’s not just your pretty face or your beautiful voice, its who you are as a person. It’s the way you get excited to tell me things or the way you smile and glow when we finish each others sentences. Its the happiness in your eyes when we are mid-song singing our heart out to Lights Down Low and we both realize we’re not that different after all. When you hurt, I deteriorate . When you’re happy, i’m ecstatic. There is nothing more special then seeing the smile. . that god damn amazing grin when we click. It’s like our souls are snuggling in that moment. I could snuggle your soul forever.

You’re the bravest woman I have ever met. You don’t let anybody tear down what you have built for yourself and you know your own strength. I envy you. I adore the living shit out of you. It’s the way you sing to me . . no better yet it’s your rap skills that get me going. I’ve never wanted to share everything I do or everything that happens to me with somebody like I do with you, because we are one. When something good happens for me you are right there feeling the happiness for me , sharing my moment with me. When something hurts me , I know you are hurting too.

My love for you goes deeper then two months. Time meant nothing to me until I met you. I don’t want to miss a single chance to talk to you , or hear your voice or see your face. You’re not just my best friend, or my soul sister. You’re a better part of me. You bring out such an amazing side of me and I don’t know if I ever would’ve found it if our paths never crossed.

You’ve been my rock and I can’t believe it’s been such a short period of time. I can’t wait until the day i’m sitting in front of you, in your big white dress, helping you get ready to marry the man of your dreams. I can’t wait to meet the blessing you will one day bring into this world and raise to be as perfect as you. I can’t wait to be by your side through everything you need me to be, because I know you’ll be right by mine. As your bestfriend, I solemnly swear to never give up on you. I pinky promise I will never leave and that we will forever be soul sisters. I am going to support every decision you make in life whether I agree with it or not, because I know deep in your wonderful mind, you have your reasoning for doing the things you do.

I promise Morgan Blake Workman , I will never, ever walk out of your life.

 

Forever until the end .

 

Love, Your lil Nug .

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Personal

Me , myself & I … all over again . 

It wasn’t easy . It still isn’t . But I’m doing it , and There’s nothing that’s gonna stop me now .

Within less then a months time I’ve managed to change my attitude about Every . Little . Thing

I no longer get mad at the “little” things . I seem to wake up with a smile on my face and a cheerful energy to start the day . For some reason I’m starting to really enjoy myself and my own company . I have control over my own space .                         It’s really good that you know how to be comfortable being alone . Whether it’s late night or early morning , alone time is a gift . You can think all the thoughts you want, without being judged . You can say anything you want , without being heard . You can dance and be happy without being watched . I can gladly say I’ve reached this point . And that’s because I’m focusing extremely hard on Me , Myself and I . 

In life it’s important to realize that no matter who comes in your life and why , they will always have a purpose . Whether they were put in your life with intent to be temporary or to be your life long soul mate. The key thing to remember is that no matter who , nor why .. don’t ever forget about yourself . Don’t think just because somebody else comes into your life and turns it upside down with utter happiness , that you are doing okay. You ” guys” as a pair , may be doing okay . But what about ” you ” as an individual ?

Did you remember to eat today ? Or were you to busy making sure someone else did?

Did you do something for yourself today ? Something that YOU wanted to do . Not what somebody else wanted you to do ?

Here’s Something to live by , no matter where life takes you , you’re always gonna be meeting new people and facing new challenges. The best part is that you have the control . You can change your life in a second . From Whose in it , to where you’ll spend your 80 degree day tomorrow. So why settle for meeting up with a friend who doesn’t care if you ate today , or how you’re doing , they only care about the fun time they’re going to have doing whatever it is that YOU probably had to plan for the two of you to do .  Instead , find people who want to know what happened as a child that made you hate shrimp . Or why you can’t stand the smell of coconut when in reality it’s because of an extremely shitty hang over that you will never forget no matter how hard you try  .

People are replaceable . Some may be harder then others to cope with living without but if it’s worth being happy over , why not choose the temporary pain for the permanent effect ?

No matter who , what , where , when or why . Always put your self and your own happiness first . Always. I did it and it’s changed my life for the better .

I don’t have to worry about what other people are doing or how their actions are effecting me . I only have to worry about what I’m doing and where I’m going next .

#independenceiskey #putyourselffirst

Personal

It’s not until you’re older .

It’s not until you get older that you realize how important family is to you. It’s not until you’re crying after a long night of no sleep and stomach aches that you just want your mother there to make it all better. It’s not until you’re older that you realize everything your parents ever did was and is for you to have a better life. It’s dad calling to say ” I Miss you Stephanie, Please come home. ” That you start having mixed emotions about what the hell you’re doing.

One day, you’re going to wake up and ask yourself “who am I”? It’s a powerful question . Are you still the little girl your parents raised to be bright and follow her heart ? Are you still the teenager who never wanted to be home because your friends ruled the world? Or are you the woman your parents raised knowing “She’ll do just fine when the day comes that she’s on her own.”

What if i’m not .. You know .. fine?

What if i’m not even ” Just okay “?

Is it okay to fall apart and break down ? Does it mean you’ve lost grip of what you’re even doing anymore? Or does it simply mean , you’re officially an adult with responsibilities and you simply have no help in arms reach.

When I graduated , I wanted to go straight to college. Let’s just say life happened. I met someone and I left the nest. From there, everything changed. My state of my mind , my responsibilities  , my strength . Everything . God knows this more than anyone , I do not regret the woman I have become. If my parents didn’t want me to leave, I had to. I have figured out who I am as a woman on my own. I have learned to fight battles I never thought i’d come across , and I wouldn’t let my mistakes or errors that I’ve made change the woman I am today.

 

 

I am hated by a lot of people in my life,  in my new “life” that I made for myself . Now more than ever is when I think back to elementary school , when my parents would say ” Bullies will be bullies, just stand up for yourself and don’t trust anyone. ” But , it was just grade school so nobody actually acted on the words.                                                                                         Then middle school came and the first day arrived and all I remember was being so tiny compared to the rest of the kids and I feared the sh*t out of my life. Of course the bullies found me there too. They would take my sweaters and things I loved but eventually I realized those things can be replaced.                                                                                          High school came and the bullies only got worse. They skipped right over the sweater stealing and name calling and they went straight for my face. 4 of them to be exact. I don’t know all the names, because it wasn’t anybody I actually knew. They could do that, because you know, its high school. Kids felt obligated to prove themselves to their friends there. Sometimes getting physical was how they did so half the time.

Finally. Came junior year, and eventually senior year . At this point I realized school isn’t all about friends, pep rally’s and coloring your face for football games. For me, it became almost a must for me to bond with my teachers. They were the only ones who really knew what I was going through without having to ask me, because once upon a time, they were a kid in school. Whether they were the bully or the innocent student who just wanted to get a passing grade and graduate, they’ve lived long enough to reach their goals, and not let their pasts stop them. Graduation day. It was the day I could finally prove myself to my family ” Hey, I’m not a failure “. I Could prove to the bullies ” Hey, I made it, and with a big thanks to you for pushing me to grow stronger .” I was especially proud to prove to myself of all people, that I can reach whatever goal I set out to reach whether it’s with or without friends. I didn’t need ” friends” at this point. I didn’t care for them anymore. I was so focused on being free and never being forced to be somewhere that I don’t feel as if I belong there.

And now I’m here… back in that feeling of life. Back in the mindset of high school, where I don’t want to look anybody in the face anymore because I know they don’t like me, and would love to spit in my face. Bullies don’t disappear, They grow with you . If I’ve learned anything being on my own its that I can only let myself be effected by the things I let destroy me. I came to realization, that there will still be girls who want your life, and people who want to see you fail. More than anything , for myself , my parents , and all of you ( you know , EXACTLY who you are ) I’ve pushed myself to set out to succeed. My new plan of life is to succeed for that growing ” I told you so ” feeling. Whether they want to sit and watch or reach their hands out to help me, I’m going to keep walking tall and keep the trust I have in my heart to do what I want and need to do. I won’t stop to get distracted by people who are only trying to stall me from my success, or sidetrack me into a broken trust-fall again, just so they can successfully watch me fail.. again.

My only question , for myself mostly.. is “Why do I feel so guilty“?                                            Everyday I wake up with an incredible amount of guilt in knots inside me. I can’t pinpoint it but I have a few factors I’ve tried to consider being the case.

Part of me feels guilty, for leaving my family without any notice. For drifting away from them and not giving them an explanation or a “why” as to why we don’t talk everyday anymore. It’s not that they don’t cross my mind everyday, because they do. All of them . Mom, Dad , Sis and the whole rest of the gang. All of you are on my mind and in my heart even if i’m not there to eat dinner with you every night.                                                                          Another piece of me feels guilty for myself. For multiple reasons which include mostly , how I’ve treated people in the past as far out to how I’m doing today and the amount of strength left in me.

At the end of the day, every person has their story. And unless they know your story, and I mean really , really know your story.. They will never understand the things you’ve done and the reasons for your mistakes. Not everybody will understand you, and that’s okay. Just say sorry when need be to the ones that don’t get it, but don’t waste your time explaining yourself to those who, just plain out could careless about you, your feelings, or your success.

 

// excerpt of my story 

one day I will tell it all //

 

 

If anything more then something i’m not .. here is a photo of me, before this unique chapter in my life even started . Here’s to the old me . Here’s to the ecstatic, humorous, selfless old me. Before I begin to better myself.. I will always hold this photo in memory of who I truly am. I promise to myself that no matter what happens, I will always be myself before I begin to think about whose judging me . I never cared before, so why start now?

 

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** P.S. Yes, I am a walking cheeseburger. **